Endless Forgiveness: What to Do When Someone Continues to Hurt You

The Command to Forgive: Jesus’ Call to Radical Grace

Forgiving someone who repeatedly hurts us is one of the most difficult challenges in the Christian life. Our natural response to ongoing hurt is often to protect ourselves, to set limits, and to cut off those who continually cause pain. Yet, Jesus calls us to a different way—one marked by radical grace and relentless forgiveness.

In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter approaches Jesus with a question: “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Peter likely thought he was being generous, offering forgiveness seven times. But Jesus’ response shatters this limited understanding: “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” This response reveals the heart of Jesus’ teaching: forgiveness is not about keeping track of wrongs; it is about offering endless grace, reflecting the boundless forgiveness of God.

The number “seventy times seven” is not a literal count, but a symbolic way of saying that forgiveness should be limitless. Jesus calls us to forgive again and again, even when the hurt is repeated. Just as God forgives us over and over, we are to extend that same forgiveness to others, no matter how often they wrong us.

The Difference Between Forgiveness and Trust

Forgiveness, however, does not mean that we allow ourselves to be continually hurt or that we remain in harmful situations without boundaries. It’s important to understand the difference between forgiveness and trust. Forgiveness is something we are commanded to give freely, without conditions. Trust, on the other hand, must be earned and rebuilt over time.

In forgiving someone, we release the offense to God and choose not to hold it against the person. But this does not mean we automatically trust them again or put ourselves in a position to be hurt repeatedly. Proverbs 4:23 instructs us to “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” We are called to guard our hearts, which sometimes means setting healthy boundaries to protect ourselves from ongoing harm.

Forgiveness and boundaries can coexist. We can forgive someone from the heart, releasing bitterness and anger, while also recognizing that it may not be wise or safe to allow them the same level of access to our lives. Romans 12:18 provides a helpful perspective: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” While forgiveness is always possible, reconciliation and trust may require time, healing, and repentance from the other person.

Forgiving as Christ Forgave Us

The command to forgive, even when it’s difficult, is rooted in the forgiveness we have received through Christ. Colossians 3:13 urges us, “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” Jesus does not ask us to do something He hasn’t already done for us. He has forgiven us of countless sins, including those we continue to commit, and He calls us to extend that same grace to others.

The foundation of our ability to forgive, especially in the face of repeated hurt, is the recognition of how much we have been forgiven. Ephesians 4:32 echoes this truth: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” When we forgive, we reflect the heart of Christ and extend the same mercy we have received.

Jesus exemplified this kind of forgiveness on the cross. Even as He was being crucified, He prayed for His persecutors: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34). His forgiveness was not dependent on their repentance or apology; it was an act of grace. In the same way, we are called to forgive those who hurt us, even when they may not repent or even realize the depth of the pain they’ve caused.

Forgiveness is for Our Freedom

One of the most important reasons to forgive is that forgiveness brings freedom—both for us and potentially for the one who hurt us. Unforgiveness traps us in a cycle of bitterness, anger, and pain. It keeps us tied to the offense and to the offender, preventing us from experiencing the peace and healing that God offers. Hebrews 12:15 warns us: “Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.” Bitterness can take root in our hearts if we hold on to unforgiveness, poisoning our relationship with God and others.

When we forgive, we release the burden of bitterness and open the door to healing. Matthew 11:28-30 contains Jesus’ invitation to all who are burdened: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Forgiveness is part of the process of laying down our heavy burdens at the feet of Jesus and receiving the rest and peace that only He can give.

Forgiving someone who repeatedly hurts us doesn’t mean we excuse their behavior or pretend that the pain doesn’t matter. It means we choose to release the offense to God, trusting Him to bring justice and healing in His own way and in His own time. Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” When we forgive, we entrust the situation to God, allowing Him to deal with it in His perfect justice.

The Power of Prayer in Forgiveness

When someone continues to hurt us, one of the most powerful things we can do is pray for them. Jesus commands us in Matthew 5:44 to “love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” Praying for those who hurt us shifts our focus from the offense to God’s grace and mercy. It allows us to see the other person through God’s eyes and invites Him to work in their heart and in ours.

Prayer is a transformative act that softens our hearts and brings God’s healing into our pain. Luke 6:35-36 echoes this call: “But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.” When we pray for those who hurt us, we follow the example of our merciful Father, who extends kindness even to the unthankful and the wicked.

Through prayer, we invite God to intervene in the situation, to heal our hearts, and to bring the offender to repentance. While we may not see immediate change, prayer keeps us aligned with God’s will and opens the door for His transforming power.

Setting Boundaries While Forgiving

It’s important to note that forgiving someone does not mean tolerating ongoing abuse or staying in harmful situations. Forgiveness is about releasing the offense, but boundaries are about protecting ourselves and ensuring that we are not enabling harmful behavior. Proverbs 22:3 says, “A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished.” Wisdom sometimes requires us to remove ourselves from situations or relationships where we are being continually harmed.

Boundaries are not unloving; they are necessary for healthy relationships and personal well-being. We can forgive someone and still set limits on how much access they have to our lives. Forgiveness and boundaries can coexist. Matthew 18:15-17 provides guidance for dealing with ongoing sin: “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” This passage teaches that while we are called to forgive, there are appropriate steps to take when someone continues to sin against us.

Setting boundaries may mean distancing ourselves from the person or limiting interactions until there is evidence of true repentance and change. However, even with boundaries, we can still forgive in our hearts, refusing to hold onto resentment or bitterness.

Conclusion: The Call to Forgive, Even When It Hurts

When someone continues to hurt us, the call to forgive becomes more challenging, but it is also more powerful. Jesus’ teaching to forgive “seventy times seven” times reminds us that forgiveness is not about keeping score but about living in a posture of grace, just as God continually forgives us. Forgiveness does not mean we tolerate abuse or enable sin, but it does mean we release the offense to God and trust Him with the outcome.

Forgiving someone who repeatedly hurts us brings freedom from bitterness and opens the door to healing, both for us and potentially for the offender. As we pray for those who hurt us and set healthy boundaries, we follow Jesus’ example and invite God to work in the situation. Colossians 3:13 captures the heart of this call: “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”

May we walk in the freedom of forgiveness, trusting that God will bring justice, healing, and peace in His perfect way and timing.